I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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