apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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