ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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