i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
