why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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