I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
