I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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