He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
