About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
