and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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