My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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