shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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