you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
