you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
