I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
