Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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