ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
