Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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