worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
