When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
