Only a mothe r could love this liver
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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