Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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