so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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