Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize