Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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