I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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