Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize