It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
