After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
