God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
