Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
