left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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