also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
