he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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