it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
