D3 body, D1 cock
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
