remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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