Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
