I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who died my cat blue again?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
