You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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