my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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