I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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