I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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