Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
