I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
