I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just high enough for therapy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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