i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
