i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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