he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
