I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
