she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
