mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
