so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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