Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
