did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
