I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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