you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Houston, we have a blender
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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