I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
where are you?
Hypothermia
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
