I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
